” If you are wanting to conceive, I’d recommend trying again right away. A woman is considered very fertile the first 3 months after a miscarriage.”
Those were the last words I heard from our doctor at the conclusion of my miscarriage. Words that were meant to inspire hope, and words that ring in my ears every month I see a negative test.
I was so frustrated.
For the past few months I have slowly began to drive myself (and probably my husband) to a form of insanity. To show you how real this is, let me take you through a typical cycle with me. I’m talking about taking my temperature everyday, charting my cervical mucus, taking ovulation tests, buying sperm safe lubricant, taking folic acid pills, and even eating an insane amount of avocado. Why avocado? Because I’m one of those women who googles everything, and I read an article that said the popular fruit is linked to fertility. You can let out your breath now, I know it’s a lot to handle, but this is where the after math of my loss has taken me.
But not anymore.
Today, I am finally choosing to find peace. To rid myself of the anxiety, the heartbreak, and the chaos of what I let myself become. I choose to see the blessings all around me, to work hard at things I can control, and understand that there are things in life I can’t. I accept that my Heavenly Father is taking this time in my life to teach me about faith, patience, and gratitude. I know that his plan for me and our family is grander than anything I could ever imagine. I just want to feel like me again, and today I feel like I’m almost there.
In my devotional this morning, I came across a verse from Psalms 40:1-2 that read:
” I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock, and gave me a firm place to stand.”
I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. It was like God was sitting me down after a rough day to chat. Just a father and his child sipping tea as he leans over and says “You are right, today is the day you finally give this pain to me to endure, I love you, and it’s going to be okay.”
I’m ready to embark on the next journey of our life.
And today, I take that first step.